Stand Your Sacred Ground.

Thriving Under Pressure

FEAR ->Forget Everything And Run.

Each time we feel threatened (threat is the fundamental definition of stress) our first instinct is to “fight or flight“. (Puff up or Shrink.)

This perpetual “fight or flight” response loop eventually creates a host of secondary problems, above and beyond, the original stressor (or oppressor).

It does not matter how we attempt to “control” a stressful situation – physically, verbally, or by running away from it. Eventually, a repetitive “fight or flight” response cycle takes a significant physical and/or psychological toll.

IS THERE A BETTER WAY ?

FEAR ->Face Everything And Rise.

Strengths First. 

The mantra Stand Your Sacred Ground reminds us that the many strengths within us will always be greater than the perceived threats (stress) outside of us. The key is to first discover…

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Just Breathe.

Sometimes the simplest thing can be the most calming

Thriving Under Pressure

Sometimes it’s the smallest things that have the greatest impact on our happiness.

Something so close, so within reach, we often forget it was there in the first place. The good night’s sleep we’re yearning for.. waiting patiently at the end of each day. The connection to nature we’re searching for.. available 24/7 just beyond our front door. That extra deep breath.. we so often forget to take.

You possess a power so magnificent, so liberating, right under your nose.

The deeper the breath. The deeper the peace.

Breathing is one of the few physiological functions that can be controlled both consciously and unconsciously.

When everything feels out of control, breathing is the one thing that will always be within our control. The times we’re under the most amount of stress is the exact time we need to expand our breathing – not restrict it.

We must become conscious of breath.

The next time you’re under any kind of pressure. Stuck in traffic. Rushing from…

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Sometimes Love Means Letting Go

As an ode to a beautifully inspiring post by Dr. Andrea Dinardo I have borrowed a phrase…

Stand your Sacred Ground.

Stand your Sacred Ground.

Stand your Sacred Ground.

My intuition kept whispering to me…

You’ve had this argument before.

You know this is fear and resistance speaking from the other end of this conversation.

Walk away before you add fuel.

So I did. I have before, but this time was different. This time, rather than defending my integrity, and making my points, I spoke my truths and walked away with my integrity in tact. I simply gave them a hug and stopped giving a reason to resist. It was not the comfortable choice, it won’t be the easy choice to live with right now. But it will be the choice I will be proud of later.

I’m fiercely loyal and passionately curious about the human condition. I have a strong circle of relationships around me that share those qualities and usually join me in the darkest vulnerable places in order to see the bright meadow on the other side. I’m so very grateful to have my tribe. Then there are the relationships that no matter what you do it’s never enough, or it’s too much. You drift apart. I always try to real it back in, be more attentive, more honest, more curious, more loving. That has always done well for me. Not because it works, but because sometimes it doesn’t . For me, the greatest emotional pain lies in letting go of people. Not just any people. The ones that know me. The ones I’ve laughed with, struggled with, cried with, shared stories and experiences with.

My fear bellowed from the depths…

Maybe they never really knew me.

Maybe they did but didn’t want to anymore.

Maybe it was me.

But my herculean spirit was stronger…

Stand your Sacred Ground.

Know your truth.

Trust your light.

For many of us, the brave road is to fight through something, to work through it. I value that. Through conflict and struggle our cards are on the table and our warrior inside revealed. We learn what we’re made of, where to set boundaries and when to push through difficulties. But other times, we learn when we’re fighting a losing battle. When we have to love ourselves and our values MORE than loving another person. There’s a very fine line between enabling someone to treat you poorly and allowing them to feel however they need to feel. When you become the object of their resentment or the target for their blame it may be time to lovingly walk away. It’s not healthy, nor is loving what you expect them to be. We all deserved to be loved exactly as we are. Sometimes that means letting go. Sometimes that’s the best kind of love we can give someone.

                                                                    Brene Brown, PhD

A Place Of Truth, A Place Of Happy

A fellow blogger recently posted about playing the “what if” game which fueled my own philosophical thoughts . These aren’t relationship “what ifs” but rather a vision…

What if there was a place, a community, where authenticity, vulnerability, boundaries and compassion were the most important values. A retreat you could visit or take a course, or volunteer, where you felt alive and supported no matter how you showed up as long as you were authentic? A place where you could work (if you wanted to), make a healthy living with, and raise your family while still having time for them? A place where you could really show up and be seen. A placed that valued you, whether you were an employee, a volunteer or a workshop participant.

No coolaid is served. It’s not an Amish community. Just a place of growth, mutual respect, boundaries, fun and laughter. Where you can be you because even if there is judgement there’s a bigger blanket of honest acceptance for our differences. What if that place existed? What if it wasn’t just for the rich but there were scholarships for those that were curious but otherwise couldn’t enjoy such a luxury? What if it attracted all types of people and not just yogis or vegetarians but CEO’s, students and families looking to challenge old stories. A place of integrity where the common thread is bravery. 

A place where you can ask tough questions, find elusive answers, have fun, or just be alone…all at the same place. Like a retreat/summer camp for adults on a sprawling property where you could spend time looking within or spend it communicating. Not a place to party, a safe place to find your inner light;what your good at, what feeds your soul.

Would you go?

Challenged

A warriors words…

" I hate to see something right fall apart... "

stilllearning2b challenged me

 I have a challenge for you – write that post this weekend. I know you’re not where you want to be, but I bet you’re further along than you realize. Explore those ways that you have grown and changed and moved on – no matter how small. Those little steps will take you far. Celebrate them all  🙂

OK – so, I couldn’t get to it this weekend, but I am attempting it ahora:

I acknowledge that I am not where I need nor want to be. I also acknowledge that I have come a long way, baby. 

With Bob I was happy and excited and looking forward to the future; our future, the one that he promised me over and over and over again. So much so, that I just never believed it wouldn’t be that way. I was the “love of his life” and he…

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Writing My Way Up

A bit of inspiration from a writing mother …

Red Boots

It was an unremarkable October morning. Nothing to distinguish it from countless other October mornings, except I don’t think the sun was shining as it usually does in October. Gray, dreary. Unusual for October, but I didn’t much notice or care given that I was in a gray, dreary state myself.

I dragged myself out of bed that miserable morning, shuffled down the stairs, my flip flops barely leaving the ground (I do hate the sound of shuffling flip flops). I dejectedly made breakfasts and school lunches, and sent them out the door and down the street, with an audible sigh of relief. Dragged myself and my flip flops back upstairs.

I found myself, a few hours later, hunched over my phone hurriedly typing a Facebook message to a woman I’d never met and didn’t know. Still in my car with the seatbelt on, I frantically typed these words to…

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Letting Go

The fire licks at my hips Climbing higher, burning hotter The pedestal you set me on Constructed of kindling Set aflame by your imagination By your fury At unmet demands Of submission and compliance Broken by a simple, no more Never seeing me, hearing me Begging for simple things Setting me on a pedestal Of […]

http://valentinelogar.com/2016/03/14/letting-go/

Dirty. Silky. Internet

 

Meet Dick Tracy, our imaginative Ostridge , and future mascot. Maybe. One day.

I know you’re curious, right? Well, like most of our conversations, or workdays for that matter, it started with a perfectly normal mission of finding Silky Chickens. Err, maybe normal for us. We decided months ago we must have Silky Chickens or mini pigs or a mini cow, if those exist. Today, we began our research. NOTE: you must be careful the names of silky chickens you search for…

Co-worker: Now I know why that computer has viruses, because your searching “showgirl sizzle”.

Boss: It was a link on the page I was searching, it sounded real.

Co-worker: Right.

Boss: Do you think we could handle 5? What about an Ostridge?

Co-worker exits while shaking his head.

So there we were, deeply entrenched in our google search that nearly broke me. I lost it at petstouch.com, after everything I had exposed myself to in this mission to find our silky chickens, it was the name of that site. It just sounded … wrong. Like I would see a site filled with barn animals wearing silk stockings. It was not that. But I would continue to have my hysterical laughing fit for the next 30 minutes.

What I’ve learned:

1.It’s hard to tell the sex of a chicken. Also expensive. Sexed chickens are $150 and up. Male chickens are free, as many as you want because their aggressive and loud, like an obnoxious drunk girl, no one wants them. So if you’re willing to make it a coin toss then it’s $5 each, with a 15 chick minimum. So many jokes. Fertilized hatching eggs around $30 for 6. This was quickly becoming a larger commitment and a breeding ground for inappropriate humor. So, naturally, we kept looking.

2. “Silkies” are one of the worlds cutest and most popular farm animal. Everywhere was sold out. So much for committing. That wasn’t the end of our search though, or our bad humor

3. Emu’s are cool and fertilized eggs are about $80- for a 3 pack…Hmm, moving on…

4. Fertilized Ostridge Eggs are $120…If we want 6…which we imagined through my boss’s circus mind would probably end badly. So I guess that’s out.

5. When crazily hunting for silky chickens page after page on google (because everyone is sold out) your searches can lead you very far from your original goal.

6. There is a whole chicken community, including chicken parties. We don’t know what that fully entails but when we found local small farms that sell silkies we noticed many conversations asking each other if they planned to go. I’m very curious but I think my imagination makes it sound more intriguing than it probably is. After all, these are serious chicken lovers.

I’m grateful for my job, my ridiculously hilarious boss and our ability to find ourself in countless awkward situations that had started with the best of intentions. It really is the little things.

Don’t judge 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying. Self harm.Anxiety : Tips for parents

This blog post should be read by parents everywhere

Resiliency Through Curiosity, Creativity & Gratitude

I took this photo, for whatever reason, this perfect little heart rock wasn’t swept away even though the sea kept washing over it. It, unapologetically, held its love in place.

In an article, featuring an interview with Brene Brown:

“Emotion is in the driver seat, with cognition and behavior riding shotgun. So when something difficult happens — a colleague shoots you an awful look at a meeting, a partner breaks up with you, you fail on a project — there’s an emotional response. Before you can articulate why, you have the urge to punch somebody or devour a dozen donuts or hide in bed for a fortnight … you need to wade into the discomfort of that reaction. You have to get curious about it…What is going on? What am I feeling? What’s driving it? How am I responding to it?This doesn’t come naturally. Some brain hacks will help: write it on a Post It note, type it into your phone, send yourself an email with what happened. Then, over time, you can actually have enough notes on your own unhelpful behaviors so that you can spot the places where you participate in creating your own suffering before you act out those same destructive or avoidant behaviors for the zillionth time.Resilience is more available to people curious about their own line of thinking and behaving”

In my personal experience, I find there are 3 components to practicing resilience: Curiosity, Creativity, Gratitude. There is so much around this topic that there are many other angles but for simplicity sake, let’s just focus on these.  Try these steps for yourself:

Curiosity

When you dig deep and question your thoughts and beliefs (which fuel your reactions and behaviors) you can find some pretty enlightening answers. If you’re finding blame and finger pointing you can pretty much bet you haven’t found the root yet. For me, when I ask a question that brings me to tears I know I’ve found the question that led me to answer I’m either avoiding, don’t want to accept or feel released. My curiosity ALWAYS leads me to a physiological response when I have found my answer. It’s usually an overwhelming emotion. Next time you come across a road block — get curious.

Creativity

This is a great way to channel your curiosity and emotion. Whether it’s writing, singing, painting or making. Finding some creative way to express yourself will not only give you an outlet but a way to tangibly explore your own battleground. Maybe it’s a letter, a poem or a journal entry. Maybe you painted with color, wrote a song or started building your house. It can be anything, just don’t do it to escape, do it to loosen up and be more open to curiosity. When your give yourself the gift of joy and you feel safe, you’re much more likely to be open and honest with what is truly going on.

Gratitude

After I’ve over-analyzed curiously examined my own emotions, and subsequently my behavior, I tend to want a lot of comfort and nurturing. I used to look for that in a partner, and sometimes I still do, but mostly I’ve learned to create that warmth in myself through gratitude. By appreciating other people I feel appreciated. By giving to others I feel full. By loving others wholly and unconditionally, I feel loved wholly and unconditionally. I find I get more out of expressing gratitude towards and about others than I do material things. I strongly value connection and I’m so grateful for the connections I have and have had in my past. A funny and strange thing about gratitude … my circle changed. Not so much the core group but the judgmental, gossipy and blamey ones seemed to fight. Eventually they started to disappear and happier people, interested in curiosity have gathered around me.