So this just happened…
DISCLAIMER: I take full responsibility for the irreverence of this post and only found it amusing in how quickly our conversation turned into an in-depth analysis of a subject we knew nothing about. Please pardon my own offensive ignorance, seriously.
Me: “We should get a trampoline for our students.”
Boss: “No, it’s a bad idea. We’ve done it before and they just launch each other. We could only do it if we provide velcro suits and a wall.”
Boss’s 22yr old son: “It reminds me of Wolf of Wall Street with the midgets. I don’t think that’s legal anymore though.”
Me: “No it’s not legal. But I don’t know why, what’s wrong with suiting them up in velcro suits and catapulting them onto a wall…If that’s how they want to earn their living.”
Boss: “Um, ok, you have to stop. That’s horrible. 1) because that’s like saying why did we abolish slavery and 2) because the only jobs ever offered to them for long time were circuses and acts like that. So it was outlawed and you’re a dick. Now that I think of it, I never see midgets working anywhere…or albinos…or dead birds?? I’m concerned, I know they’re out there, I know I should see like 10 dead birds a day, or a midget or albino once in a while but I don’t! Are they hiding and then eating all the dead birds so no one sees them??”
Me: “Wow, you got really worked up over that. I didn’t think of it that way. I didn’t mean it to be a dick. I would love to be paid to wear velcro and be launched. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I’m too heavy for all that.”
Co-worker A: (Our fiery 63yr old teachers aide that was previously laughing too hard to speak) “You’re right! Where are all the dead birds?! I don’t know about albinos but I work with a person like that at the other school. He has a cute butt!”
Boss: “You can see it? Is that all he is…a butt? I don’t think they liked being called Midgets anymore but the way. I think the preferred term is ‘little people’.”
Co-worker B: (who only walked in at that line) “I used to work with a little person at my pizza place job, he was 4’11″and a dough roller.”
Co-worker A: “I’m 4’11” and that’s not a little person. What does him being a dough roller have anything to do with it?”
(Co-worker B walked out of the room,probably realizing what he just walked into and was in over his head)
We then spent the next 30 minutes coming up with jobs we think little people would be good at:
Our determination was…Anything. They can do anything. They’re simply smaller than the average human and that’s it. But they would be particularly adept at navigating small childlike spaces or those cool animatronic suits that never have enough room for a grown average adult and too dangerous for a kid. Yeah, now I just want to be a little person so I can go in one of those suits.