Real Women Don’t Have Curves…

Or maybe they do, but it certainly, one hundred percent, undeniably, does not define a real woman.

Real women have Badassery.

I recently read Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes, which is mainly – in a very oversimplified kind of way – about being open to change and finding where you are happiest. As a highly successful entrepreneur and writer, she reminds the reader of something exceedingly important that many of us women in western culture forget…it’s incredibly powerful to be vulnerable. Similar to Shonda, I live in Califonia, where the weather is beautiful and so are the people. Everyone seems to regularly attend yoga, do crossfit and be training for marathons or tough mudders. I wear a size 16, and while I can do many of those activities and consider myself pretty, the fact is, I’m not as noticed as the active size 2 woman. I’m just not. We have an obsession in California with beauty and the rise of stars like Melissa Mcarthy and Adele seem to bring back statements like “big and beautiful” or “real women have curves”. The truth is, thick or thin, our shapes or looks shouldn’t be defining who we are. Our character should define who we are.

The Badass Lady

(You will find links to badass ladies in this paragraph)

She may have curves or she may be curveless. She may be the overweight woman in yoga class or the perfectly fit woman in line at the grocery store. She may be neither. She may be this mother, or this one. She may run a company. She may be a doctor. She may be a lesbian. She may be happily single and childless. She may be married. She may be divorced. She may be full of hearty advice. She may be Furiously Happy, yet, depressed. She may be you. A real woman is not defined by what she looks like, ever. She is defined by her level of integrity. Above all else, she is authentic and vulnerable, as often as possible, because she’s still human.

authenticity                                         integrity

A real woman will tell you when you’re wrong, but with compassion. She will admit when she has made a mistake. A real woman will have boundaries, she knows herself well enough to be clear on what she’s okay with and what she’s not. A real woman will stand up for what’s important to her with confidence, grace and tact. She will not shrink or puff up, but stand tall and strong in the face of adversity. A real woman loves with her whole heart. She gives only what she is comfortable giving and not an ounce more, yet she is more generous than most and never resentful. Well, maybe sometimes… sometimes, she’s resentful. But she knows she is in charge of feeling that way, or not. She takes ownership of her feelings and her behavior. A real woman isn’t perfect, she’s human.

A real woman is vulnerable

A real woman is clear about who she is. Her healthy boundaries help her to decide if you belong in her life, or not. Her loyalty runs deep, but she is not a doormat. She won’t give you guilt trips. Well, maybe sometimes… sometimes, she gives guilt trips. After all, she’s human and perfectly imperfect. She asks for what she wants, understanding that you are just as capable of saying no as she has learned to be. A real woman won’t keep you in her life because she’s afraid of being alone. She will nurture a friendship or relationship because she cares, deeply, and values the connection she has with you.

I once saw a girlfriend build a trailer to attach to her Honda Civic so she could move her bed and dresser 300 miles away. All because her mother asked her if she was going to ask her ex boyfriend. Badassery.

Another girlfriend doesn’t own a car but wanted to see one of her closest friends graduate 600 miles away. She took a bus, spent the night and then took the bus back the next day. Badassery.

I recently had a friend ask for help during an emotional breakdown. I’ve known her 9 years and she has never been that vulnerable. I was with her in two hours and have checked in almost every day this week. That’s the friend I am and that’s MY badassery.

I have had an incredible amount of badassery in my life. Women that have stood by my side, told me when I was wrong, applauded my accomplishments and listened to my hardships. They have been there when others have judged me, they have called me to the mat when everyone else was intimidated. They have come in every package. Old, young, black, white, heavy, thin, gorgeous, average, straight and lesbian. Some were curvy, some weren’t. Some were gear heads and some were girly girls. It didn’t matter.

They are badasses and that supersedes any superficial quality that our society values and objectifies.

When were you a badass recently?

(Men have badassery too, that is a different post 🙂 )


10 thoughts on “Real Women Don’t Have Curves…

  1. Kristina! Thank you so much for the mention, and this is a KICK. ASS. POST. 😆
    So much truth here, and you link to two of my heroines, Brené Brown and Glennon Doyle Melton. Do you also love Liz Gilbert? I so love her… And the coolest thing is that they are three badass friends!! Would it not be a dream come true to know them personally?? Just imagine the synergistic, exponential explosion of badassery of love and light we could all unleash on the world together!! 😆
    Write on, ma’am, WRITE ON!! 👊🏼👍🏼👏🏼❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My badassery is going to the store yesterday, covered in gunk from scrubbing out my stove, and not giving a hoot that my sweatpant-capris looked like I rolled in tar…all to get my kids some dinner that was refreshing after a long day of play in heat. It might not seem like much, but a young (maybe 21) woman took pictures of me standing there and made it obvious she was posting a photo of me-then snickering about it. I just looked at her and smiled, knowing what she didn’t. I may have looked like a hot mess-but this hot mess would never do that to another woman. I said ‘Nice phone! It must have cost your mama a fortune. I hope you’re not using her hard earned cash to use up all that data just be shallow.’
    She was speechless, but the girl behind the counter was laughing uncontrollably.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Going to the store to make sure your kids have dinner, after you worked your ass off…yes, badassery! Sadly our culture right now embraces hate and judgement pretty openly. That girl is the norm my blogging friend, she is a product of what have created as a society. Should have just asked if she liked your new pants! lol 🙂 Carry on mama 🙂


  4. And THAT is why I am so grateful you are one of my closest friends. You are the definition of a beautiful human being. I love you lady! Keep writing these words of passion and inspiring those who need to hear them 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I had a very inspiring day where I kept noticing badassery! Both in myself and other people. I wanted to explain it in a new language 🙂 Plus, I think the word “badassery” is a wonderful addition to the urban dictionary. Soo LOVE made-up words. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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