Love and Compassion WINS. Fear and Hate LOSES.


Hate is a quick and easy, cheap shot. We see it in the news with incidents like Sandy Hook or the nightclub in Orlando. Do you think those shooters were happy? Do you think they felt whole and lived a balanced life? These events are symptoms of a deeper disease in our culture. How do we stop these kinds of atrocities from strangling the love and life out of our communities? Is it with gun control? Is it immigration?


We see hate on a personal level when we lose a friend and never speak to them again. Maybe it’s our choice, maybe it’s theirs. We see hate when a partner cheats on us with no remorse. We see hate with murder, rape and lack of forgiveness. It comes in many forms. And it’s not just in America, it’s alive and well in plenty westernized countries.

MLK quote

If you go to the doctor with a painfully swollen lymph node…

Would it be better for the doctor to give you pain meds and tell you to not eat anything that may increase inflammation OR would it better if they run a bunch of tests to diagnose before they treat? After all, it may be cancer. One treats the symptom and one looks for a cure to the underlying problem.

Hate is our societies’ swollen lymph node while mental illness, disconnection, discontent, sorrow and resentment are our cancer. Fear is our cancer. Fear of what we don’t understand, fear of difference. As a society we are more disconnected, more intolerant, more competitive, more judgemental, more resentful, more angry, more divided and more medicated. Why? Maybe because there are more people, because greed has become accepted as “success” and everything is more expensive while wages haven’t changed. Maybe it’s healthcare. Maybe it’s gun control. There are a million reasons that we have become as we are. The truth is we have forgotten what LOVE is. Not romantic love but true love. The truest love is acceptance and forgiveness. It’s saying “hi” to your neighbor with a genuine smile on your face when they always seem annoyed. It’s understanding that the waiter who gave you bad service may be going through a really shitty day divorce. It may be offering to help someone when you have nothing to give but a hug and a listening ear.


When we accept someone for who they are, we fully see them. When we accept someone, rather than judge them, we are no longer victims of our own emotions. We are simply allowing ourselves to see what we see. It’s up to each of us to decide what we want and don’t want in our lives. Just because we accept who they are doesn’t mean we need to practice the same lifestyle. It simply means we aren’t judging theirs. When we practice acceptance, without judgement, we begin to accept more of ourselves. As we practice acceptance we become more tolerant of things we may disagree with, more authentic and honest about who we are and less hateful. It’s the foundation for forgiveness.


You can only forgive when you have accepted something as it is. Forgiveness is acceptance and ownership of a judgement you’ve made. It’s acceptance of your own feelings about a specific event and choosing to let it go. It has nothing to do with telling someone else what they did was right or good. You can forgive without thinking something was right. It has to do with acknowledging your pain or hatred and setting it free. When you’re free from anger, resentment and hate you can be more open to LOVE.

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. ~Buddha


If you look at whole-hearted families, communities, organizations and countries you will find genuine happiness and tolerance with different lifestyles and religions. They foster an environment of acceptance, authenticity, ownership, respect, connection with others and embrace love over hate. The cure for hate is love.

Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther Kind Jr, Mother Theresa are classic examples of change makers that chose love over hate. That faced criticism, violence, pain and suffering with an attitude of acceptance and forgiveness. These are some of the most notable examples of strength and bravery. Why? Because no matter what happened, they chose love over hate. Conquered fear is the birthplace of courage.

Today you can find this type of courage in researchers, authors, musicians and politicians. But hate is more popular, more prevalent, more accepted and easier. These people openly speak about fear and shame versus love and connection. Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, India Arie, Marianne Williamson, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Shonda Rhimes and Amanda Palmer. Are a few that speak up for love, they make connection, truth and authenticity a priority. They don’t say what people want to hear, that say what they feel is right, with love, gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness.

Change Makers

Our culture and society doesn’t shift because politicians change laws. Shift happens when we accept that the 15yr old girl feels more like a boy than a girl, so we call her Sam rather than Samantha and allow him to use whichever damn bathroom he wants. It happens when we say hello and smile to the woman wearing a hijab without assuming she’s a terrorist. Or we tell someone we love, that while we aren’t ok with something they did, we don’t think they are a bad person. Change happens when parents ask their teenage daughters about a breakup and listen, even though they worked all day and may think it pales in comparison to their day. It happens when a father tells his son that he’s sorry he yelled at him but he was worried he might get hurt. It happens when a mother explains to her child why being a bully creates shame rather than punishing her without teaching her what is right.

It starts in our small circles. It’s saying “thank you for being clear” to someone who respectfully asked you to do or NOT to do something. It’s asking “what do you mean by that?” when someone is being passive aggressive. It’s sending your mother flowers on mothers day even though you’re pissed at her. You can love people AND dislike their behavior. You can love people AND have boundaries. You can wholeheartedly and courageously LOVE with hopeless abandon rather than ignorantly and fearfully embrace hatred. Hatred is our disease. Courageous love is our cure.

We must BE the change we wish to see in the world. ~Ghandi





















13 thoughts on “Love and Compassion WINS. Fear and Hate LOSES.

  1. Wonderful! I love the lines you draw in this post about mental illness, cancer. If more of us thought like the few of us about such things, we’d be a society that is whole.💜


  2. …let him use whatever damn bathroom he wants… 👊🏼
    I love the blend of compassion and irreverence in your writing! 😆 And YES. We can effect real change when each of us takes responsibility for our own well being and that of those closest to us. We must stop thinking of so many as ‘others’ and recognize that we are all ‘us.’
    Write on, lady! 👍🏼👏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Loved this post! I must tell you I was highly stressed when my mother had just died of Cancer at a fairly young age and I was divorcing my husband…. days were very stressful, work days long as well as often 28 days out of a month. I truly didn’t want to be so stressed and angry. I was a frequent church goer, however now needed to work much.
    Made the statement to a friend if God wishes to reach me and get me a message he will, I do not have to be sitting in the pew. I kept praying desperately, had a friend call me up once and tell me “I heard your serman today” and proceeded to tell me about it. And Then…… one of the most clear, important and humorous messages I got was from a sign that very simply said “When arguing with a stupid person, make sure he/she is not doing the same” 🙂
    Often times our emotions take over and we are not even aware of what we are saying….. we are simply feeling the need to be angry and take the opposite opinion from anybody 🙂 Praying for help for me eventually made things clear to me and filled my heart with Love and tamed down the “stupid” fear! It was a process though it did not happen immediatly. Thanks again for your post. It is so true!

    With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Carmela, Thank you for bravely sharing! For me, I pray to the universe to light my path and whenever I have a judgy comment or blame statement towards someone rolling around in my head, I think “how am I judging ME right now” ? In those moments I always find it has everything to do with my own judgements of myself and very little to do with the outside world. This post was a bit of an affirmation :)💜

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree. It is more about what we invite into our hearts than any outside influence. I do believe we have to choose Love, as well as choose to act in Love and make it the basis and focus of our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

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