Outsiders and Catharsis

Perfectly imperfect 💖

Women and Words

I’m uncommon. It’s not just that I’m a gaymo. And it’s not just the masc of center gender presentation. It’s everything else. The dark sense of humor. The lack of social skills. The obsession with the way names are spelled. The dislike of human contact. I am an outsider.

I’m always surprised when I hear people talk about my books. The language they use is queer and shadowed and always seemingly whispered. And I forget until those moments that I write anti-heroes. I write characters placed in twilight and opium dens. Not by society, like in old pulp fic, but by choice. Characters that demand to be taken as they are. Imperfect and repulsive and charming. Characters who refuse to be defined as any one thing. Characters defined by their multitudes. The interactions between their flaws and perfections. Because people are that way too.

I learned a long time ago…

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I Love You, For So Many Reasons…

I love you because you are always there for me. I love you because you know exactly when I need to cry, feel anger, release anger, emit gratitude, and laugh until my face hurts. I love you because you always have the answers, even when I argue with your hearfelt logic. I love you because you love me with makeup and without, with walls up and armor on, or in complete vulnernability.

I love the compassion in your heart and the genuineness of your smile. Your charming wit, unyielding loyalty and curious nature encourages me to always strive to be my best self. The depth of your soul pushes me to explore things in myself that once frightened me. Your ability to rise strong when you have fallen in the muddy swamp shows me that adversity leads to growth and gratitude.

You have given me vision when I couldn’t see and an almost deafening silence when I needed solitude. You’ve given me joy when I’ve been in pain, connection when I felt alone and peace when I was overwhelmed. You’ve always shown me love.

I love because you I can be myself around you, I don’t need to compartmentalize and keep out any part of myself. I love you because you see me, you hear me, you understand me, you listen to me. I love you because you don’t judge me when I screw up and you cheer me on when I do what’s right. I love you because you speak softly, gently and always with deep truth.

I love you because you are me. The part of my soul that always knows right where I’m supposed to be. The calm peaceful part that always hold light, love and truth. I love you, myself. Thank you for walking with me always.